The Disquiet Moment Before She Blooms

The Disquiet Moment Before She Blooms
a poem by Jillian Bacarisas

There she goes again; in what seems to be the end.
A culminating of a phase and calmly moving through the release
with pieces of what has been on her hands,
and none of the piece may make sense but she’s holding them,
trusting that one day the meaning will arrive and it will all make sense
and even if it’s not she will still be there.

There she goes again, preparing the oil to mend what was lost.
Gently loving herself in her uncertainties.
Questioning; “where can I grow again from here?”
Flowing in the riddle of life she doesn’t yet understand.
     

There she goes again – at the door of leaving yet another comfort zone
with nothing else but her strength and a little bit of her own resistance.
There she goes again in the withering of her bloom.
In the season of slowing down and flowing with the change.

There she goes again – in the weakening of her shoulders
and in the sadness of the emptiness that once was filled.
Carrying herself robbed of her grace but she’s not leaving where she is.
     

There she goes again; buried in the unknown,
a place a little dark for her to be at ease,
but she’s staying where she is,
for she trusts that it is where she will sprout again.
  
Self Portraits on film by Summer Puertollano
Words by Jillian Bacarisas

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